Dating with Anxiety: How to Navigate Love and Relationships with Confidence

Dating can come with so many exciting feelings. Meeting someone new, growing feelings, and hoping it continues with someone can send such a rush through our bodies. However, as exciting as these feelings are, it is easy for anxiety to creep in during the dating experience. Not knowing where things are going, hoping someone likes you back, hoping you didn’t say anything wrong- the list goes on! While there are things about dating that you cannot control- there are ways to successfully navigate dating without spiking your anxiety.

Why Is Dating So Triggering?

So many parts of our lives are determined by how we feel and not much else. Dating is an entirely different story- not only do we have to think about how we are feeling about someone, but there is a whole other person involved whose feelings and intentions impact your relationship. Triggers can come from multiple places. You may have had a negative experience in your past relationship that is making you feel anxious that the new person you are dating will repeat some familiar behaviors. Something as simple as a text message not being answered for longer than usual can send you into an anxious spiral without even realizing it.

Past trauma can also play a big role in why dating triggers are so common. Oftentimes, we can logically understand something that happened in the past will not happen again, but our bodies cannot seem to agree with our minds. Because of this, your body can have a reaction that is unexpected and uncomfortable with a new person because of past trauma.

How Can I Regain Control In Dating?

Finding the root of where your anxiety is coming from is helpful and important. Once you accomplish this, you may be asking yourself, “Now what?”. Here are some helpful steps you can take to put these thoughts into action:

1. Focus on how you feel about the person you are dating, not the other way around. We can often get too consumed in how the other person feels about us. This can lead to trying to fit yourself into a mold of what you think the other person wants. When you can shift the perspective to seeing how this person can potentially fit into your life, it puts you in the driver’s seat to determine if the person you’re dating can be a long-term partner.

2. Process past trauma and anxiety. Certain things you may be holding onto can come from a place of protecting yourself. It is important to process what has happened to you in the past not only to heal from what happened but to set yourself up to trust others in the future. Speaking with a therapist to bridge that mind-body gap can feel like a weight lifted and can allow space for you to try to enjoy the dating experience.

3. Take breaks when needed. Dating can be exhausting. The constant swiping, going up to others in bars, and dating events can take a toll on your happiness. Having the self-awareness to know when you need a break can be powerful. It doesn’t have to last very long, but making sure you’re putting yourself first and prioritizing your self-care can set you up for great dates in the future.

4. Keep your long-term goals in mind. One of the reasons dating can bring up so much anxiety and be so difficult is because it is supposed to work with only one person! It can be a numbers game, which can lead to some burnout and questioning if you are going to find your person. Anxiety does a very good job of making you think that what you’re currently feeling is going to last forever. It can be helpful to take a step back and acknowledge that this short-term discomfort is for the long-term success of finding that great partner you have been looking for.

5. Take time to give yourself grace. In today’s society, especially in dating, it can be easy to think that you’re doing something wrong. Try to make sure you’re keeping your self-worth and confidence in check. Acknowledge all of the things you bring to the table and all of the ways you can be a good partner in the future. It is easy to take rejection personally, but it often has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what the other person is looking for. This can help greatly with that feeling of being knocked down when a date does not work out.

Dating can bring up thoughts and feelings that you never thought would return. It can often force you to confront some things in the past that you have been able to easily push down. Utilizing these tools can help you go into dating with honesty, vulnerability, and the hope that you’ll find someone who will complement you in the best ways. Remember that all of this takes time, but you’ll find that having a toolbox of ways to build yourself up can set you up for great success in the long run.