As a therapist, I have many clients who are mothers. Some are new to the mom game and others, like myself have been at it for several years. While everyone’s journey of motherhood is unique, I have noticed recently a common theme or topic that emerges in our sessions, and that is the concept of being overwhelmed with the “mother’s mental load”. I don’t think I ever really knew this term or gave it much thought until I was smack in the middle of it. It was at that point that I realized that I am not alone with these feelings of mental exhaustion and the inability to shut my brain off from “Mommy mode”. So, what exactly does this term mean and how do us moms cope with it in a healthy way?
A mother’s mental load is defined as the invisible work of running a household and managing the family. Aside from the obvious physical tasks such as grocery shopping, dishes, laundry and everything that comes along with taking care of children, there is also the “invisible labor” involved. Anything and everything from scheduling doctor’s appointment, keeping track of school activities, due dates, permission slips, play dates, sports, dance, gymnastics and all the other extracurricular activities. As the school year ended, I found myself overwhelmed with the last days of school “countdown”, who had to wear what color on which date, who had to bring in a board game, whose end of year party did I had to attend and when. When I challenged my daughters to ask their dad when the last day of school was, assuming he did not know the answer, I was correct. It all falls on me! Mom’s ALMOST always carry the brunt of it. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but for the majority of mothers, we have been programmed culturally and societally to be “better” at running the household.
Dealing with a mother’s mental load requires a combination of self-care, support, and organization. Here are some tips to help manage and reduce this mental load:
1. Communication
Ask for help! Have an open and honest conversation with family members about the mental load you're carrying. Clearly delegate household chores and responsibilities to other family members, ensuring everyone contributes.
2. Organization
Use lists to keep track of tasks, appointments, and important dates. Family calendars and giant dry erase boards (I have one and I love it!) can be helpful in keeping everyone in the know.
3. Self-Care
Schedule regular time for yourself, even if it's just a few minutes each day. Taking a break from “mommy duties” is essential in preventing burnout. Maintaining a healthy diet, exercise and getting enough sleep are also important.
4. Mindfulness and Stress Management
Engage in mindfulness practices such as meditation, yoga, or deep-breathing exercises. This will help with stress management and are great coping strategies.
5. Setting Boundaries
It’s ok to say no to additional responsibilities that you can’t handle. Be selective about the activities and commitments you take on, prioritizing those that are most important to you and your family. We can’t do everything and be everywhere!
6. Quality Time
Spend quality time with your family doing activities you enjoy together. Family game nights or movie nights are a great way to connect. In addition, make time to connect with your partner or spouse regularly. It is important to have adult time, and this can help with communication and being able to share the mental load and support each other.
Implementing these tips can help reduce the mental load and improve overall well-being. It's essential to recognize that managing a household and caring for a family is a shared responsibility, and seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Are you struggling to manage the overwhelming mental load of motherhood? Reach out to Rust Wellness Group today for expert counseling and discover how embracing self-care, effective communication, and organizational strategies can transform your well-being and family life.