Coming Out Again and Again: The mental load of constantly correcting assumptions

Coming out is often portrayed as a single, defining moment—a bold announcement followed by liberation. But for many in the LGBTQIA+ community, especially those who “pass” in a heteronormative society, coming out is not a one-time event. It’s a continuous, often subtle process that can quietly wear on your mental health.

As a femme lesbian, I live in a world that frequently assumes I’m straight. Strangers and even acquaintances casually mention “your boyfriend” or “your husband,” without a second thought. Their words may not be intended to hurt, but the assumption still stings. Each time, I’m faced with a choice:

• Do I correct them? Do I explain?

• Do I out myself again?

The emotional impact of repeatedly coming out

The mental health effects of constantly reintroducing yourself aren't always visible—but they’re real.

You might notice:

• Anxiety before social events

• Frustration after conversations where you felt unseen

• Emotional exhaustion from self-censoring to keep others comfortable

It’s isolating to be out—and still misunderstood.

Naming the mental load: it’s okay to feel tired

This is your reminder:

• The weight you carry is valid.It’s okay to feel tired, annoyed, or even resentful. Your energy is finite, and constantly managing other people’s assumptions can be draining.

• Protecting your mental and emotional well-being sometimes means letting things slide. Other times, it means gently correcting someone or asserting your truth with confidence. Both choices are valid.

6 ways to protect your mental health when coming out repeatedly

If the pressure of constantly correcting assumptions is weighing you down, consider these strategies for supporting your mental health:

1. Set boundaries that protect you

You do not owe everyone an explanation. If correcting someone feels unsafe or simply not worth your energy, it’s okay to stay silent. You get to decide when and how you share your identity.

2. Find or build a safe, affirming circle

Surround yourself with people who see and affirm you—no explanations needed. Whether it’s chosen family, friends, or a local LGBTQIA+ support group, having safe spaces matters.

3. Let it out

Write. Cry. Scream. Create. Your feelings are worthy of expression. Releasing frustration, sadness, or anger can prevent emotional burnout. Try journaling or art as an outlet.

4. Work with LGBTQIA+- affirming therapists

Affirming therapy can be a safe space to process the emotional toll of invisibility and microaggressions. Seek out a therapist who understands the nuances of gender, identity, and expression. (Rust Wellness Group is here if you're looking for one.)

5. Celebrate the small wins

Whether it’s correcting someone in conversation or just honoring your truth in private, every act of self-affirmation matters. Give yourself credit. These moments are powerful.

6. Rest without guilt

You deserve rest. Full stop. Set your phone to “Do Not Disturb,” log off, and take a break. Your mental health is a priority.

You deserve to be seen—without always having to explain

Coming out once is brave. 

Coming out every day in small, quiet ways? That takes endurance. It takes courage. It takes care.

If you’ve been carrying the weight of other people’s assumptions—correcting, navigating, translating your identity for others—please know this:

✨ Your truth matters. 

✨ Your voice matters. 

✨ You deserve to exist freely, fully, and without explanation.

At Rust Wellness Group, we provide compassionate, inclusive mental health care for LGBTQIA+ individuals. You shouldn’t have to educate your therapist while trying to heal. We’re here to listen, understand, and support you—exactly as you are.

Reach out today to schedule a session with one of our affirming therapists.