You Are Not Your Score: Understanding ACEs and the Path to Healing

Ciara Covey
Dec 15
2 min read

We all carry invisible stories, especially the ones from childhood. Some of those stories are filled with love and safety. Others are marked by pain, fear, or things no child should have had to face.

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are the name for those early difficult experiences—things like abuse, neglect, or growing up in a home where there was mental illness, addiction, or violence. They leave a mark. Not just on your memory, but on your nervous system, your health, your relationships, and the way you move through the world.

Researchers developed something called the ACE score, a way to measure how many types of childhood adversity someone has experienced. But here’s the thing:

Your ACE score is not your identity.It’s not a life sentence.It’s not your fault.

It’s just one piece of the puzzle, a way to understand how early experiences might still be impacting you now.

So What Counts as an ACE?

The original list includes things like:

Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
Physical or emotional neglect
Living with a parent who struggled with mental health, substance use, incarceration, or domestic violence
Divorce or separation

More recent research has expanded ACEs to include things like racism, poverty, bullying, medical trauma, foster care, and immigration-related stress. The more ACEs someone has, the more likely they are to experience challenges later in life: like anxiety, depression, chronic illness, or relationship difficulties. But the number alone doesn’t tell the whole story.

Trauma Isn’t Just What Happened—It’s What Lingers

The real impact of trauma isn’t just the event itself. It’s what happens afterward, especially if there wasn’t support. When trauma isn’t acknowledged or tended to, it gets stored in the body. It shows up in ways you might not even connect to the past:

Always feeling on edge
Trouble sleeping or focusing
Digestive issues or chronic pain
Feeling disconnected or numb
Struggling with trust or boundaries

These are not personal flaws. They are adaptations. Your body found a way to survive. And that’s something to honor, even if those patterns no longer serve you.

Healing Is Possible—And It Doesn’t Have to Be Loud

The good news is that your nervous system can learn new patterns. Healing is real. It’s not about erasing the past—it’s about learning to live differently with what you’ve carried.

Some of the most powerful tools for healing from trauma include:

Therapy with someone trauma-informed
Body-based practices like yoga, breathwork, or somatic therapy
Mindfulness to ground you in the present
Supportive relationships that feel safe and consistent
Creative outlets like writing, art, or music

You don’t have to do it all at once. You don’t have to do it alone.